I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I need moral support for this bender
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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