Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
only if we run a train.
done.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
