separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
