it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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