be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
