Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
