i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i think im in europe. pls send help
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