i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
