Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
