The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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