her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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