Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
