chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
