I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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