i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
