My liver just broke up with me...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
