worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
