i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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