somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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