So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
