I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
