another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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