Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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