I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
