careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
