Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
