I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
