Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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