k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
