Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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