he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
