I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
