I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
