He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
