If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
