she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
