All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
