Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
