I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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