I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
