I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
