Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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