Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
