My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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