You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We got so high we made milksteak
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
