tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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