I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
