All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
