Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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