remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
