you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
