I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
