i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
